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Unlike most hosts who play for comedy, the Mortician is genuinely unique in his mission to prepare the dead--autopsy footage, death metal and frank but strangely compassionate conversation with the corpses on his table--inspiring one to vigilantly check out those bumps in the night . . . even when the film is not so scary. No bones about it, the Mortician puts the horror back in the horror host making him perhaps the most unique host on the airwaves at any time . . .
Insights courtesy of Michael Newell
Just who is this strange creature with an insatiable desire to commune with the dead? No one knows for sure, but rumors abound……
According to local myth in central Ohio, THE MORTICIAN is a stranger who came to town a couple years ago. No one knows his given name or exactly where he came from. It is evident from his appearance that he has been subject to some extremely traumatic events. In fact, it is not known if he is indeed alive or dead himself…. However, it is believed these events have given him the insight into the threshold that we call death.
Because of this insight, some members of the recent dead are drawn to him. Apparently he is able to provide them with a level of comfort that is unavailable elsewhere. Some have even hypothesized that procedures preformed by THE MORTICIAN help these corpses to sever their ties to their flesh, and thus he enables them to move on into the afterlife. No one knows if all of his ‘visitors’ have desired to partake of his services, but the strange disappearances of members of the Michelle Malone band have raised suspicion that he may have had a hand (or scalpel) in the matter.
Also of interest is the fact that THE MORTICIAN will ‘talk’ to the corpses as he is ‘preparing them for their journey to the afterlife.’ He seems to believe that talking to dead bodies will ‘put them at ease’. According to a noted psychic and motivation expert, Professor C. Manson,
The dead hear our thoughts by default, but The Mortician can also hear their thoughts as well. This is part of the draw to him that the dead have. They feel they are among friends when they are with him. They do answer The Mortician but these "answers" are infrequent and have eluded us (the living) to this point.
Shortly after this statement, Professor Manson was remanded to the Northwestern Ohio Sanatorium.
THE MORTICIAN seems to have an accomplice in these dark acts of violation (or perhaps, missions of mercy) that are performed on the dead. Her name is BELLAMORTE, and seems to be a rarity in that she has crossed paths with THE MORTICIAN and has not ended in the ground outside THE HOUSE OF FEAR. Originally, she was discovered with others on the lands about the house and presumed dead. It is assumed that her reanimation and lack of desire to consume flesh enticed him to take her on as a helper/ apprentice (or conspirator as the local sheriff speculates).
Additionally, it seems that THE MORTICIAN prefers to air old horror and science fiction films while performing his work on the dead. Criminal psychologists have theorized that THE MORTICIAN believes that playing these films diverts the attention of those he works on who are loath to cut ties to their bodies. However, the aforementioned constable and his posse believes that he just likes B-Horror flicks. The origin of these old movies and the video equipment used by THE MORTICIAN is unknown by authorities at this time.
THE MORTICIAN’S activities have been under the surveillance of the law enforcement community for some time. At great personal risk, brave officers planted cameras in strategic locations in his base of operations, from which to capture incriminating footage and monitor his deviant activities. This base, which is an abandoned 19th century house, is referred to as THE HOUSE OF FEAR and resides in an unspecified location deep in the woods of Central Ohio.
Due to the notable success of police shows, like COPS and AMERICA’S MOST WANTED, cable companies from around the country have actively sought to air the gruesome footage of THE MORTICIAN’S work.
The final product of their packaging of this disturbing footage has been labeled simply, “THE HOUSE OF FEAR”. The producers of the show have joined the opening video of this program with the opening sounds from the song DEFILER OF THE DEAD from the album House by the Cemetery performed by a band fittingly called ‘Mortician’ (http://morticianrecords.com). Additionally, every week new footage is compiled and sent to the cable companies, who set the police footage portion of the show to death metal music from a myriad of record labels. It is hoped that THE MORTICIAN knows little if anything about the program, as local authorities prefer to keep it that way due to the potential fear this creature would unleash upon humanity.
As far as the subject of fan mail, it may be sent electronically to the-mortician@the-mortician.com . U S Mail can go to BAT 1733 Pearl Rd, Unit 109, Brunswick, OH 44212. It is unknown if the mail will be read, as the cable companies have tried with little success to slip notes to “the goremaster”. If fans wish messages to get to him, station relations manager and South American Kool-Aide mogul Jim Jones stated, “We'll try to get them into a body bag or somehow catch his attention with them. With him not knowing the role he plays in the entertainment of many there's no telling what he'll think of some of the notes. We'll keep trying to get them to him however. As many in the general public have expressed we too at times fear his mere presence and try to keep our distance leaving him to himself. He prefers it that way and we're all better off when the big man is happy.... as we on the staff recall him saying once on tape ‘Obey the man with the knife’, and to us that equated to ‘Fear the man with the knife’.”
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© 2008, Horse Archer Productions, LLC All Rights Reserved.